The Boba Farm Part 2

Welcome back to the long awaited tips and tricks from Kurt Timmermeister! To be honest, I didn't know when I would write this second part. But, after receiving several positive comments from readers, I felt the weight of making a difference in the world. One comment in particular brought a tear to my eye.

"OMG. Bees are so cute!"

- CoolBees69

Once I read that, I immediately knew that CoolBees69 understood everything. CoolBees69 would never buy bees through Amazon. CoolBees69 would also only get honey boba. After sharing that brief moment of harmony, I knew I had to dive back into this book to share this treasure with the rest of the world. Thank you, CoolBees69. 

(Spoiler Alert: He learned to live off the land)

Let's get straight into the tips and tricks. But, before I tell you the first tip, I need to quickly highlight something. Remember, we always need to keep the key principle in mind. Don't screw Matt over. Now that's out of the way, here's the first tip. Let's face it. No one wants to buy your vegetables. Matt's not there. What do you do? You make a restaurant in your farm to make people eat it. Although there's one thing you need to keep in mind. You see, Kurt is terrible with creating names. If you couldn't already tell from "Kurtwood Farms", once you find out he named his restaurant "Cookhouse", you'll understand. So please be creative. 

Now for the next tip, let's begin with a question. What do you think about when you hear the word "farm"? Hopefully, chickens came to mind. (There's a picture of chickens below for a reason)

So now that we're so deep into farming, how can we not talk about chickens. A little known fact about chickens is that they have a tendency to kill each other. So why does this happen? It's because chickens have a pretty messed up sense of order. Think of them as the popular kids at high school. If you're not a cool chicken, they won't hang out with you. Actually, they peck you to death. So how do we prevent this? Just pop some trendy, rose-colored sunglasses on all the chickens, and they'll think everyone is cool. Just kidding. But, if you keep the coop lit red, all the chickens, cool or not, will just move on with their lives. 

Finally, the last tip is going to be about pigs. Before we move on, let's take a moment to look back on how far we've come. It felt like yesterday we were talking about cows, and now here we are at the last tip. So what do we do with pigs? Well the titles for chapters twelve and thirteen spoil it for us. "The Slaughter" and "Butchering". Before we get to that stage, let me briefly talk about pigs in general. They like to eat a lot. 

Ok, looks like we have enough information to move on to the slaughter. During the slaughter, there are several roles: trigger-man, knife-boy, blood-boy, and bung-boy. Personally, it sounds like Kurt named the roles because I can think of better names. A lot better. Anyways, look at the roles and see what fits you the best. For example, if you like playing Call of Duty, choose the trigger-man. 

In terms of butchering, I really wanted to give some solid advice, but I don't think Kurt is the right place to look. As I was going through Kurt's methods, I thought to myself that if I'm ever going to do any of this, I'd just look online. Therefore, my best advice would be to go look at a video from Food Network. 

(Food Network has it all)

So the last couple of chapters talk about the present-day Kurtwood Farms. Pretty much no more tips and tricks, so I'll show you something more interesting. This week's boba showcase! 

Toastea (Downtown LA)